health-code is the open-source nutrition protocol platform of
Tres Comas Nutrition Labs — the $1.2B startup nobody planned to found,
built on technology that was supposed to be a new internet,
named by a man who arrived to collect a gambling debt.
It is a single-page nutrition app styled as a developer's code editor.
It contains 15+ recipes presented as JavaScript objects.
It is funded. The recipes are real. The company is fictional.
The smoothies are excellent.
It started at 2:47am on a Tuesday.
Richard Hendricks — CEO of Pied Piper — could not sleep and made a smoothie.
Erlich Bachman found him and took 10% of the smoothie.
Russ Hanneman arrived to collect a debt, saw the blender, named the company,
and invested $2M from his McLaren glove compartment.
47% of all data on Pied Piper's new internet was smoothie recipe traffic.
Richard was horrified. Erlich filed incorporation papers.
Gavin Belson tried to acquire the company for $400M.
Richard turned it down mid-vomit.
Big Head accidentally led the Series B ($80M). He thought it was a subscription form.
Today we are a $1.2 billion company.
Russ calls this embarrassing. He is not wrong.
| Layer | Technology |
|---|---|
| Frontend | HTML5 + CSS3 + Vanilla JS |
| Dependencies | Zero |
| Animations | anime.js |
| Compression | Middle-Out (proprietary, Richard's) |
| Security | Gilfoyle (non-negotiable) |
| Soup Breaks | Jared (10am + 3pm, non-optional) |
| Equity Claims | Erlich (10% of all layers) |
| Character | Role | Equity |
|---|---|---|
| Richard Hendricks | CEO & Accidental Founder | 34% |
| Erlich Bachman | CVO & 10% Stakeholder | 10% (non-dilutable, Rider 7) |
| Bertram Gilfoyle | CTO, Systems & Nutrition Security | 20% |
| Dinesh Chugtai | VP Engineering & Sauce Architect | 8% |
| Donald "Jared" Dunn | COO & Operational Optimist | 5% |
| Nelson "Big Head" Bighetti | Co-Head Dreamer | Series B lead (accidental) |
| Gavin Belson | Board Member (hostile, ongoing) | 6% preferred |
| Russ Hanneman | Chairman of Vibes | 12% + McLaren condition |
| Monica Hall | Board, Adult Supervision | 0% (her choice) |
| Jian-Yang | Chief of Emerging Verticals | [DISPUTED] |
| Round | Amount | Lead | Valuation | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Pre-Seed | $47K | Erlich Bachman | $470K | Erlich's own valuation. Disputed. |
| Seed | $2M | Russ Hanneman | $8M post | From McLaren glove compartment. |
| Series A | $40M | Gavin Belson | $200M post | Post-failed $400M acquisition. |
| Series B | $80M | Big Head | $600M post | He thought it was a smoothie sub. |
| Current | — | — | $1.2B | Unicorn. Russ disagrees. |
# Clone the repo
git clone https://github.com/d3nny-sf/health-code.git
# Open in browser
open index.html
# No build step. No dependencies.
# "This is not magic. It's talent and sweat." — B. GilfoyleFork the repo. Customize your stack. Build your own protocol.
"I own 10% of all forks." — E. Bachman
This claim is not legally recognized but has not been formally dismissed.
For auditors, journalists, and people Erlich has cornered at parties.
| Document | Description |
|---|---|
| 🌐 Live Product | The health-code protocol, in production. |
| 👥 TEAM.md | Full team biographies. Erlich's is the longest. |
| 💰 CAP_TABLE.md | Equity breakdown. See Rider 7. |
| 📰 PRESS_RELEASES.md | All five canonical press releases. |
| 🤝 CONTRIBUTING.md | How to contribute. Erlich owns 10% of your PR. |
| ⚖️ LICENSE | MIT. Erlich is contesting. |
See PRESS_RELEASES.md for
all five canonical Tres Comas Nutrition Labs press releases.
MIT License — because "open source is the only way to make the world
a better place through nutrition infrastructure." — R. Hendricks
(Erlich claims 10% of the license. Legal is reviewing this.)
,,, Tres Comas Nutrition Labs · Hacker Hostel · Palo Alto, CA
"Acquired by your metabolism. Exit: TBD."