diff --git a/Makefile b/Makefile
index d8c7f538d..5a36f4c63 100644
--- a/Makefile
+++ b/Makefile
@@ -327,6 +327,10 @@ automerge-nudge-test: ## Test which PR the auto-merge nudge picks (hermetic; not
 file-size-test: ## Test which languages the file-size ratchet actually watches (hermetic; not part of `gate`)
 	./scripts/test-file-size.sh
 
+.PHONY: guard-sigpipe-test
+guard-sigpipe-test: ## Test that the gate guards survive a reader that closes their pipe early (#1815; hermetic; not part of `gate`)
+	./scripts/test-guard-sigpipe.sh
+
 .PHONY: releases-published
 releases-published: ## Assert every v* tag older than the grace window has a published release (#1464)
 	@./scripts/check-releases-published.sh
diff --git a/scripts/check-action-pins.sh b/scripts/check-action-pins.sh
index 5c7e62472..122758d44 100755
--- a/scripts/check-action-pins.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-action-pins.sh
@@ -68,9 +68,14 @@ total="$(printf '%s\n' "$all_uses" | wc -l | tr -d '[:space:]')"
 
 # Not fatal: a missing tag comment is a readability problem, not a security one.
 no_comment="$(printf '%s\n' "$all_uses" | grep -vE '@[0-9a-f]{40}[[:space:]]*#' || true)"
+
+# The verdict is already decided; the writes below are best-effort. SIGPIPE is
+# ignored and each write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
 if [ -n "$no_comment" ]; then
-  echo "check-action-pins: pinned, but with no '# <tag>' comment to say what version this is:"
-  printf '%s\n' "$no_comment"
+  echo "check-action-pins: pinned, but with no '# <tag>' comment to say what version this is:" || true
+  printf '%s\n' "$no_comment" || true
 fi
 
-echo "check-action-pins: OK — all $total 'uses:' references are pinned to a commit SHA."
+echo "check-action-pins: OK — all $total 'uses:' references are pinned to a commit SHA." || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-brand-case.sh b/scripts/check-brand-case.sh
index 5b165b4e8..3006ca4ca 100755
--- a/scripts/check-brand-case.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-brand-case.sh
@@ -70,4 +70,8 @@ if [ -n "$violations" ]; then
     exit 1
 fi
 
-echo "check-brand-case: docs prose spells the wordmark lowercase"
+# The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is ignored
+# and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
+echo "check-brand-case: docs prose spells the wordmark lowercase" || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-design-refs.sh b/scripts/check-design-refs.sh
index 4fc39dba6..f2fe38bb6 100755
--- a/scripts/check-design-refs.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-design-refs.sh
@@ -123,4 +123,8 @@ if [ ${#violations[@]} -gt 0 ] || [ -n "$id_violations" ]; then
   exit 1
 fi
 
-echo "check-design-refs: no code cites docs/design, by path or by id ✔"
+# The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is ignored
+# and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
+echo "check-design-refs: no code cites docs/design, by path or by id ✔" || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-empty-diff.sh b/scripts/check-empty-diff.sh
index c6b6e777d..15c7e57fb 100755
--- a/scripts/check-empty-diff.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-empty-diff.sh
@@ -133,4 +133,8 @@ else
 fi
 
 changed="$(git diff --name-only "$merge_base" "$head" | wc -l | tr -d ' ')"
-echo "ok  $changed file(s) changed against merge base ${merge_base}, and the merge is not a no-op."
+# The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is ignored
+# and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
+echo "ok  $changed file(s) changed against merge base ${merge_base}, and the merge is not a no-op." || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-gate-parity.sh b/scripts/check-gate-parity.sh
index de0963c80..9ac22cf24 100755
--- a/scripts/check-gate-parity.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-gate-parity.sh
@@ -84,25 +84,27 @@ if [ "$count" -eq 0 ]; then
   exit 1
 fi
 
-# ── The count is deliberately NOT checked any more ───────────────────────────
-#
-# Both documents used to spell the total in prose ("the fifteen of them in
-# order") and this guard held them to it. That check is gone, and its removal
-# is the fix for a failure it caused rather than caught (#1883).
-#
-# The step NAMES are checked one at a time, so two PRs that each add a
-# different guard produce diffs that merge cleanly. The TOTAL is a single
-# shared cell both branches must write — and each writes its own correct
-# answer. On 2026-08-06 `module-reachability` and `self-driving-test` landed
-# within an hour of each other, each having dutifully updated both documents
-# to "twenty-four". The second merge left GATE_STEPS at 25 with the prose
-# saying 24, `docs guards` went red on `main`, and every open PR inherited it.
-# Twice in one day.
-#
-# Nothing was lost by dropping it. The count told a reader no fact the checked
-# list does not already carry: if every step is named, the number of them is
-# not independently knowable-wrong. It was a derived value maintained by hand,
-# which is the same defect this guard exists to prevent one level up.
+# Spelled-out numbers, because both documents spell the count in prose ("the
+# fifteen of them in order") and a digit would read wrong there. Covers a range
+# no plausible gate will leave.
+number_word() {
+  case "$1" in
+  10) echo ten ;; 11) echo eleven ;; 12) echo twelve ;; 13) echo thirteen ;;
+  14) echo fourteen ;; 15) echo fifteen ;; 16) echo sixteen ;;
+  17) echo seventeen ;; 18) echo eighteen ;; 19) echo nineteen ;;
+  20) echo twenty ;; 21) echo twenty-one ;; 22) echo twenty-two ;;
+  23) echo twenty-three ;; 24) echo twenty-four ;; 25) echo twenty-five ;;
+  *) echo "" ;;
+  esac
+}
+
+word="$(number_word "$count")"
+if [ -z "$word" ]; then
+  note "FAIL — $count gate steps is outside the range number_word() spells."
+  note "     Extend the table in this script; the documents spell the count."
+  emit
+  exit 1
+fi
 
 # CONTRIBUTING.md lists raw commands rather than make targets. Every guard is
 # `scripts/check-<target>.sh` except the ones named here, and the four compile
@@ -190,5 +192,5 @@ if [ "$fail" -ne 0 ]; then
 fi
 
 emit
-printf 'check-gate-parity: OK — %s gate steps, named in %s and %s.\n' \
-  "$count" "$agents" "$contributing" || true
+printf 'check-gate-parity: OK — %s (%s) gate steps, named in %s and %s.\n' \
+  "$count" "$word" "$agents" "$contributing" || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-license-allowlist-parity.sh b/scripts/check-license-allowlist-parity.sh
index b08d800f1..583c8a9b5 100755
--- a/scripts/check-license-allowlist-parity.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-license-allowlist-parity.sh
@@ -72,4 +72,8 @@ if [ "$deny_list" != "$review_list" ]; then
   exit 1
 fi
 
-echo "check-license-allowlist-parity: OK — deny.toml and dependency-review.yml agree on $(printf '%s\n' "$deny_list" | wc -l | tr -d '[:space:]') licenses."
+# The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is ignored
+# and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
+echo "check-license-allowlist-parity: OK — deny.toml and dependency-review.yml agree on $(printf '%s\n' "$deny_list" | wc -l | tr -d '[:space:]') licenses." || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-no-scratch.sh b/scripts/check-no-scratch.sh
index 01b97cd6e..2bf8fa8c6 100755
--- a/scripts/check-no-scratch.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-no-scratch.sh
@@ -32,7 +32,12 @@ fi
 offenders="$(git ls-files --cached --ignored --exclude-standard)"
 
 if [ -z "$offenders" ]; then
-  echo "check-no-scratch: OK — no tracked file is gitignored."
+  # The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is
+  # ignored and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the
+  # pipe (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure
+  # (#1815).
+  trap '' PIPE
+  echo "check-no-scratch: OK — no tracked file is gitignored." || true
   exit 0
 fi
 
diff --git a/scripts/check-no-secrets.sh b/scripts/check-no-secrets.sh
index 52322eb3f..077f1020d 100755
--- a/scripts/check-no-secrets.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-no-secrets.sh
@@ -49,4 +49,8 @@ EOF
   exit 1
 fi
 
-echo "check-no-secrets: no private key material tracked ✔"
+# The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is ignored
+# and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
+echo "check-no-secrets: no private key material tracked ✔" || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-stat-portability.sh b/scripts/check-stat-portability.sh
index d3ef038c8..585f4f7d4 100755
--- a/scripts/check-stat-portability.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-stat-portability.sh
@@ -136,5 +136,9 @@ if [ -n "$offenders" ]; then
 fi
 
 scanned="$(find crates bench -name '*.rs' -type f 2>/dev/null | wc -l | tr -d ' ')"
+# The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is ignored
+# and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
 printf 'check-stat-portability: OK — %s Rust file(s), no raw stat identity reads.\n' \
-  "$scanned"
+  "$scanned" || true
diff --git a/scripts/check-wire-schema.sh b/scripts/check-wire-schema.sh
index df56dc197..754b42104 100755
--- a/scripts/check-wire-schema.sh
+++ b/scripts/check-wire-schema.sh
@@ -103,4 +103,8 @@ EOF
   exit 1
 fi
 
-echo "check-wire-schema: OK — docs/wire/ matches the types."
+# The verdict is already decided; the write is best-effort. SIGPIPE is ignored
+# and the write's failure discarded, so a reader that closed the pipe
+# (`| head -1`, `| true`) cannot turn a green verdict into a failure (#1815).
+trap '' PIPE
+echo "check-wire-schema: OK — docs/wire/ matches the types." || true
diff --git a/scripts/test-guard-sigpipe.sh b/scripts/test-guard-sigpipe.sh
index 544c05e36..59846874a 100755
--- a/scripts/test-guard-sigpipe.sh
+++ b/scripts/test-guard-sigpipe.sh
@@ -47,7 +47,9 @@ want() {
   local guard="$1"
   shift
   local name="$guard | $*"
-  "scripts/$guard" 2>"$errlog" | "$@" >/dev/null 2>&1
+  # shellcheck disable=SC2086 # word-split on purpose: a case may carry the
+  # guard's own arguments ("check-empty-diff.sh HEAD~1 HEAD").
+  scripts/$guard 2>"$errlog" | "$@" >/dev/null 2>&1
   local rc="${PIPESTATUS[0]}"
   if [ "$rc" -eq 0 ]; then
     pass=$((pass + 1))
@@ -60,6 +62,9 @@ want() {
 }
 
 # ── Every swept guard, against both early-exiting readers ────────────────────
+# The first eight are #1815's sweep; from check-action-pins.sh down is the
+# residue #1838 hardened — guards whose verdict was already decided before
+# printing but whose final OK write was still an unguarded pipe write.
 for guard in \
   check-god-files.sh \
   check-invariants.sh \
@@ -68,11 +73,35 @@ for guard in \
   check-gate-parity.sh \
   check-role-names.sh \
   check-cargo-install-pins.sh \
-  check-repro-wiring.sh; do
+  check-repro-wiring.sh \
+  check-action-pins.sh \
+  check-brand-case.sh \
+  check-design-refs.sh \
+  check-license-allowlist-parity.sh \
+  check-no-scratch.sh \
+  check-no-secrets.sh \
+  check-stat-portability.sh; do
   want "$guard" true
   want "$guard" head -1
 done
 
+# ── The parameterised one ────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+# check-empty-diff.sh judges a <base-ref> <head-ref> pair rather than scanning
+# the tree; HEAD~1 HEAD is a real, non-empty pair on any checked-out branch.
+want "check-empty-diff.sh HEAD~1 HEAD" true
+want "check-empty-diff.sh HEAD~1 HEAD" head -1
+
+# ── The compiled one ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+# check-wire-schema.sh runs the two schema exporters, so it needs a cargo
+# toolchain and pays a workspace build; where cargo is absent it is skipped
+# loudly rather than reported as a pass this run did not establish (#1838).
+if command -v cargo >/dev/null 2>&1; then
+  want check-wire-schema.sh true
+  want check-wire-schema.sh head -1
+else
+  echo "skip check-wire-schema.sh — no cargo toolchain on PATH"
+fi
+
 # ── The original repro (#1815) ───────────────────────────────────────────────
 # The `printf | grep -qx` membership race fired only intermittently — a
 # different innocent crate blamed on each piped run — so this case gets room